Insignificant Existence

Before I registered for this blog I felt like I had a lot of feelings and emotions flushing out of my brain and I would spend days and nights writing them down, but after everything was settled all the ideas just faded away, abruptly. I wondered if all the brain cells killed during the process of coming up with a crappy title for the blog were worth it at all. And that first post, it was so meaningless I didn't know why I had written it at all. But I'll just leave it as is.

Recently I have a strong feeling that I could die soon. I walk on the street sometimes without knowing a destination. I wake up sometimes without knowing what I could do. I bought an organizer thinking I could fill up the time slots of my life, but there is really nothing for me to organise. I feel like I could die, as if I could put a big "full stop" (or "period" if you are american) in my life any time without interupting any processes. I could walk into a fathomless well on a busy crossroad without too many people noticing my gone existence. I guess my existence has become too insignificant that dying is the most natural thing that could happen to me right now. How funny is that I always thought I would die young, after living a busy and meaningful life. But now I am thinking that I should die because my life gets too meaningless. I suddenly realise the phrase "get a life" really has a meaning apart from dissing people, because as u learn from your kindergarten that the opposite of "life" is "death", when you don't have a life what's left for you is really just death.