一期一會

這些事
不能多於一會
門敞開
他以鬚根輕輕擦過我臉頰
暗燈晃晃
照出一屋浪蕩已久的薄荷煙臭
給醜陋的事蒙上不必要的婆娑
他由他把玩他的把戲
我自得若無其事的樂
嘴巴唸着自欺欺人的對白
心卻自知不能蹉跎
因為
有些事
只能一會
他徐徐走近嗅嗅我的衣領
我借故呼出跟他同樣的節奏
他儍笑
隨意給我按上不知所謂的匿稱
彷彿要在片刻將我據為己有
我便知道
這一會
我俘虜了一刹的渴求
他肆意尋找通往不超生的盡頭
我蒼狼抓緊一瞬即逝的墜落
直至不能懺悔的罪惡滿瀉
然後
若無其事
繼續我們的陌生
淡忘我和慾望的
一期一次約會

樂念

快樂在吞噬我的皮膚
幸福麻痺了我的味蕾
我以為
愛便是永生
卻囚禁了雙手飛騰的自由
觀感失去脈搏
思緒不再為紅燈反應
腦海默化成死海
不被天空星晴夜光燈田動容
我的快樂
驟然喚起半夜流淚驚惶的錯覺
蒼白的縷煙
若隱帶着一副笑臉
誘導我簽下交換幸福的約條
指尖揉不出半道霓虹光
如是我樂
失去了知覺



玿璘 [5.31.2007 晨2:25]

我對愛情的記載

關於愛
我看過
他他他
因一剎那衝動
吻上了她她她她她
最後找不到應有的那個她
便埋怨命運
生下來受到愛神的詛咒
注定吻過的都不會是最後那個她

關於為愛
我看過
她她她
因一句不會兌現的諾言
附上了一切給他他他他他
後來後來
淚流下十行
還以為那些轟烈受過的風沙
本是愛情應有的犧牲

關於不愛
我看過
他他他
不明所以愛上一個她
後來發現不愛
卻為了不想背負的罪名
辜負了她一世的青春
偷偷別處尋覓愛

關於不愛
我也看過
她她她
當初糊塗認定那是一世的他
後來發現他不愛
卻恨自己變成蔓藤般
只能盤繞着他的體溫
無聊斷送一世的光陰

他他他與她她她
忘了曾經對愛情的憧憬
世上最美麗的花蕾
因為他的愚昧
她的盲目
開不了
便枯掉
變成他她他她醜陋的臉
這是我對愛情
最灰冷的記載





玿璘　 [04.23.2007]

Insignificant Existence

Before I registered for this blog I felt like I had a lot of feelings and emotions flushing out of my brain and I would spend days and nights writing them down, but after everything was settled all the ideas just faded away, abruptly. I wondered if all the brain cells killed during the process of coming up with a crappy title for the blog were worth it at all. And that first post, it was so meaningless I didn't know why I had written it at all. But I'll just leave it as is.

Recently I have a strong feeling that I could die soon. I walk on the street sometimes without knowing a destination. I wake up sometimes without knowing what I could do. I bought an organizer thinking I could fill up the time slots of my life, but there is really nothing for me to organise. I feel like I could die, as if I could put a big "full stop" (or "period" if you are american) in my life any time without interupting any processes. I could walk into a fathomless well on a busy crossroad without too many people noticing my gone existence. I guess my existence has become too insignificant that dying is the most natural thing that could happen to me right now. How funny is that I always thought I would die young, after living a busy and meaningful life. But now I am thinking that I should die because my life gets too meaningless. I suddenly realise the phrase "get a life" really has a meaning apart from dissing people, because as u learn from your kindergarten that the opposite of "life" is "death", when you don't have a life what's left for you is really just death.

寫寫.

開個blog, 只為想寫寫. 太久沒寫, 人有點痴呆.